Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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