forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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