1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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