TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
