Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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