I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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