Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
