So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
