next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize