I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
