Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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