i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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