And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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