i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
