You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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