can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
