it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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