my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need moral support for this bender
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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