The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
