I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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