But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize