I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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