dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
