He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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