You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
