He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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