How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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