Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
