Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
