last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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