I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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