I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
