haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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