Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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