i just wanna soil my oats bro
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
