Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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