So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
