I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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