this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
