No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
