If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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