So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
