He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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