Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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