I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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