i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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