I'm going to rape someone's good day.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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