my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
