someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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