You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Couch. On fire.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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