I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
smell my finger.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
