he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
