i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
