I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
