im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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