You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
