ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
