i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
