I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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