he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
