got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
