U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
