If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
