why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
