So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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