I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
