saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize