I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
