Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
