I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
