I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We are two peas in an std pod
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
