Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
