I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
