You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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