She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
