some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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