your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
