you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
