I think i peed on brittanys purse
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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