You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
