she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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