I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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