i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize