i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
