these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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