Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
