Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
