The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize