If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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