Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
