Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
