just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
