So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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