nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
