you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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