Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
