we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
