i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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