He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
