god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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