Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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