im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
