turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
