Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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