I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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