in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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