piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
